Gummi Bearz
by Aiatalay
Summary: December 27th, 2008. I was in a stupor, a Gummi Bear induced stupor. The Gummi Bear theme song had been playing on loop for five hours. This fic was borne of it. It involves Gummi Bears, and amateurish Crack!fic.


**December 27th, 2008**

**Title**: GUMMI BEARz!  
**Author**: **aiatalay**  
**Pairings**: House/Wilson friendship  
**Rating**: G. No, wait, I think there's some swears. Ummm, PG 13  
**Words**: I didn't bother to count. I was laughing too hard. You won't care, you'll be laughing too hard.  
**Beta**:I had my cat look over it. I think that the screaming meows mean that it's ok.

**Summary**: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU EAT MANY GUMMIBEARZ, AND PUT THE GUMMIBAR SONG ONLOOP.  
**A/N:** Make sure that people who would be mad at you for laughing are away. I got an earful from my brother while writing this because i was like giggling the whole time. 

Wilson woke up on Tuesday and got ready for work. He ate a bagel for breakfast, and drank coffee he stole from House's conference room. This, of course pales insignificance to what happened _after _that, which is that Wilson turned into a giant tie-wearing green gummi bear. (Because the GREEN ones are THE BEST. NO QUESTIONS ARE ASKING.) He was about the size of a housecat, but still. That is a lot of sugar. House came into the room right after it happened, and was shocked to find that there was a large gummi bear sitting on the floor panting and freaking out. In fact, as he moved closer, it appeared as though the gummi bear was having a standard panic attack.

Why was an overly large gummi bear wearing a tie in his conference room having a panic attack?

"Aren't Gummi Bears supposed to be all chipper and happy and whatnot? Or did my very presence freak you out that much? I mean I'm a scary guy n'all, but seriously-"

"HOUSEI'MAGUMMIBEAR." Wilson said this in a rush, and his voice was now significantly higher so that made his sentence sound odd.

"Wilson?"

"Yes! I-I-I-" Wilson broke down again, breathing hard.

He was jiggly. House picked him up.

"HOUSEWHATAREYOUDOING?" Wilson was still having a panic attack. And he was also still a Gummi Bear, but House was having fun.

(I think he is under the impression he his hallucinating, but this is something _I_ would hallucinate. It just doesn't seem that House would hallucinate something like this, but maybe he's doing crack on the side again. Who knows. )

House started rubbing the gummi bear's back in slow comforting circles, and Wilson slowly started calming down. He hiccupped softly and leaned back into House's half embrace, seeking comfort from his friend. House stilled, unsure of what to do next.

He vividly remembered his early childhood. He had quickly learned to deal with his emotional problems by himself. There were… adverse side effects if he didn't.

But here was Wilson, and he knew that if Wilson were to go without comfort

(I imagine his dreams to work similarly to mine, you face a weird problem, you solve it, and your subconscious imparts wisdom unto you as a reward. How else does he get his cool diagnoses?) he wouldn't find out what happens next, so he decided to do what he had wished others would do for him. He hugged Wilson closer, closing him in a warm comforting hug, and was just there.

Wilson cuddled into the warmth, falling asleep. House looked at the sleeping Gummi bear and wondered aloud.

"Now how the hell do I turn you back into Wilson?"

His tie. That was the only article of clothing that hadn't been turned into sugar.

Couldn't hurt to try taking it off… See if that was the cause of all this random trouble.

He slipped it from the bear's neck, and House was almost crushed under Wilson as he grew to human size.

He at least wasn't a bear any more though.

The problem was that the tie was now attacking House and he could feel himself turning into sugar.

"AUGH WILSON YOUR TIE IT'S TRYING TO KILL ME!"

Wilson jerked awake, seeing a red gummi bear (come on, he likes the cherry lollipops, why not be a cherry gummi bear? XD) using all four of his limbs to try and keep a tie (HIS tie!) from encircling his neck.

What the HELL?

Wilson looked down. He, at least, was no longer a gummi bear. But the red gummi bear was still fighting the tie and it looked as though someone had taken a bite out of his leg. Suddenly Wilson had an Idea.

"Stop fighting it for sec, I want to try something."

"What? I repeat! Your tie is gonna kill me!" House's voice sounded shrill and comical all gummi bear like and that.

Wilson took some clean hot water from the coffee machine and some sugar packets and started sticking extra sugar to the side of House's leg. Then he pour a little bit of water on it and the gelatin melted and evened out.

"OW! WHAT THE _HELL_ Wilson?"

House fell backwards, grimacing from the pain. But the sugar mixture cooled and House opened his eyes.

Wilson waited. House paused too, as if waiting for something. Then in one deft movement he sat up and pushed the tie over his head and threw it across the room.

House got up and backed away from the tie, grabbing a random book from a shelf and keeping it at the ready. Wilson retreated with House behind the desk, watching the crumpled fabric warily.

That's where Cameron found them later and she was just about to ask them what they were-

"LOOK OUT!" they both shouted as she felt something close around her neck.


End file.
